Suicidal thoughts?

I have experienced family member’s suicides and I’m torn with my responses. On one hand, I’m mad. How DARE they leave their loved ones with so much pain? On the other hand, I feel relief that they are no longer in pain, suffering with the mental anguish of not wanting to live.

And of course, I’m left frustrated that it’s such a senseless death. So many unanswered questions…Was it avoidable? Could I have helped more? Did they really believe death was the ONLY answer? Why didn’t I see the signs?

It’s so final. Your last bad decision doesn’t define you.

Then I ask myself when I became God? Who am I to decide when someone should or shouldn’t die? The survivors hurt so much, but the person who commited suicide just couldn’t live with the pain anymore. Which person should experience the pain? Is it selfish to say YOU live with the pain. Instead of me mourning your loss?

If you’re having suicidal thoughts, there is help. 1-800-273-8255 if you’re in the States. Talk to me. I’m here for you…